By Yoshi Yui

Eminem, Russ, J.Cole, and Logic all came to Swallow Studios with quite a negative energy. Grimacing. Hunched-over. Defeated. We asked them to plug their latest music and they all simultaneously flinched. They all shared their traumatic experiences with the rising, deadly phenomenon that is fanbullies.

Not to be confused with fanboys nor fangirls, fanbullies are individuals who get off on the idea of hurting a hard-working, popular artists’ feelings for no apparent reason. These vicious acts of cyber bullying attack not only our treasured famous citizens, but also threaten us at our nation’s core: our mutual blinding love for those very famous citizens. Don’t just believe the memes or statistics, read what these hurt millionaires have endured.

“You know, I’m the rap god. Rap god. I’m dating Nicki Minaj. Minaj. It hurts my feelings when people make fun of my songs, so I made a song about that. I put Beyonce on it. Everyone likes Beyonce, right?” says Eminem, addressing fans’ claims that his newest album Revival was somehow worse then admittedly low expectations going in.

Tragic.

Russ claims he isn’t even that famous, and that the memes have surpassed him in fame. “Do you know what it’s like to have your entire body of work be surpassed by some memes of you? How the fuck is a meme about me more famous then me?”

Heatbreaking.

J.cole claims to have said something on the matter, but his delivery must have been so bland we didn’t comprehend it as english.

Remember the good old days?

Logic claims he was always aware of being biracial. “You know like you look at your parents and they look like yin and yang and you kinda go, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to explain this to the rest of the world.” You know? So you try, and you try. “Ying and Yang,” I’d say. “Ying and Yang! Black and White! What don’t you understand!” It wasn’t until about 2 years after everyone got it that I realized everyone got it. By that point I was already a meme.”

Tell your neighbors about the dangers of fanbullies.

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