Kane Brown cancels US tour, performs exclusively to Malaysia Airlines Platinum Club members

By: Richard Slinger

Fukue Airport, Japan

Kane Brown recently signed a 10-year long residency at an obscure Japanese airport lounge so naturally I had to go there to find out why? “No tour? No problem!” Brown’s manager said hurriedly sweating. “Kane is trying to break free of his former image, this is the only demographic he cares about now. Who am I to judge?”

The demographic he was referring to, is horny Japanese businessmen.

“Kane says they’re the only ones who give him the respect he deserves and he plans on spending the rest of his life in Japan performing at Fukue Airport.”

I was never able to speak with Kane Brown himself but I did see him and he was unrecognizable. Since moving to Japan he’s been training with sumo wrestlers gaining 200 lb of fat in the process, had all his original tattoos removed with laser treatments, and shaved his head as well as his eyebrows. He does have one tattoo though, a Hello Kitty logo on his right cheek.

I couldn’t help but be happy for Kane as he seemed truly at peace with life and the decision that he has made

So if you love Kane Brown and you want to see him perform you better start racking up those frequent flyer miles for Malaysian Airlines and get to Fukue Airport. Not only will you get the performance of a lifetime but he is also selling his “already worn-in” underwear at the door as merch before and after shows.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Kaylee says:

    Yeah I think everyone who’s seeing him on the Weekend Warrior tour right now with Brantley Gilbert while he’s on a break from the Losing Sleep tour with Chris Young will seriously disagree. He was just on tour at a Brantley concert last night and you can go on to his website and still get the tour dates for his current tours. Not to mention he’s being noticed by The Grand Ole Opry so I’m sure he wouldn’t want to do something stupid like that.

    Like

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