By Courtany Schick
The days are getting hotter and longer, and I’m sitting here at a Cubs game, which can only mean one thing: baseball season! In honor of all things peanuts and some things Cracker Jack, I decided to look into America’s favorite jingle, “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and, honestly, I wish I hadn’t.
Strike 1: In 1908, after a wicked bender of equal parts sex/latex orgy, drugs and baseball, song writers Jack “Cracker Jack-Off” Norworth and Albert “Titz Fondler” Von Tilzer decided to make some sweet, sweet music about their sweet, sweet lovemaking (read: filthy, nasty de’ball’chery).
Strike 2: The ballbusters agreed to hang up their “bats” long enough to record the 1 minute 14 second song, before immediately after resuming to “hit it” out of the “park”. Days later, Cracker Jack-Off, locally well-known for his enlarged testicles, was unmistakenly sighted at the local field taking part in his personal favorite pasttime, streaking.
Strike 3: The inspiration for the impactful song? Newspapers from the time report Titz Fondler saying, “I fucking love baseball, wait, no, I meant to say I love fucking baseballs.”
And on that note, I’M OUT.