Vladimir Putin avid White Stripes fan, request “7 Nation Army” be played before every World Cup Match

By Richard Slinger

Las Vegas, Nevada

Thursday June 21, 2018 3:15 PM

If Vladimir Putin request you do something, you do it. Don’t ask questions. Don’t backtalk. Papa Putin knows best. Take it as an order, rather than as a suggestion. Just ask the families of the 2, 2018 World Cup Stadium Sound Supervisors who are currently missing and the family of the 1 who is dead.

Seriously, if you see them, ask them because I wasn’t able to make it to Sochi for interviews. My Press Pass is VOID in Russia for unknown reasons, so I didn’t waste time making the trip.

What I DO know is, the 3 men attempted to play other songs rather than “7 Nation Army” and were immediately escorted from the control booth by large men in black suits.

The first man attempted to play work by Rihanna in an attempt to bring together Capitalist and Communists in harmony realizing that it is all their leaders want from them, but the KGB caught wind of this and performed a preemptive strike.

The second man (a German official) played David Hasselhoff’s “Du” as a tribute to the fall of West Germany, but the plug was quickly pulled on him (and presumably used to lynch him with later)

The 3rd and final man to attempt to play a different song (the one pronounced dead) Played “Billy” by tekashi69. He was escorted to midfield by the men in black suits, and publicly executed as an example for the next man or woman.

Since then ONLY White Stripes Seven Nation Army has been played upon the arrival of the players to the field, and Putin almost smiled because of it.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of the 3 missing men, I suggest keeping it to yourself. Putin doesn’t fuck around. Don’t end up getting fucked by bears in the Siberian wilderness for the rest of your life. Act like it didnt happen. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t written this article now out of fear for my own life. This may be Richard Slinger signing off for the last time, if not you’ll be hearing from me again soon. Until then I’m gonna get back to the slot machines.

On a positive note, Jack White couldn’t be happier as White Stripes album sales skyrocket in Russia, North Korea and Cuba.

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