Top 1989 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Should Just Eat Flaming Cat Poo Already

By J. K. Roflmeow

  1. If she likes cats so much, why not prove it and just eat some flaming cat poo already?
  2. Nothing says “I’m the hottest pop star of today and don’t care what people think” like eating hot cat poo.
  3. Everyone knows Taylor Swift’s brand of feminism is, “Like, totally having lots of close female friends to have sleepovers with.” With some hot cat poo in her mouth, she couldn’t say dumb shit like that.
  4. As Satan incarnate, it’s likely one of the few sources of viable nutrition for her, besides tween girls’ souls.
  5. It’s super sustainable for the environment. T Swift has over 13 cats, so you know she has a lot of cat poo laying around her mansions. All she would have to do is plop some on a heatproof plate, use her eye’s laser beams on it for 3-4 seconds, and viola, flaming hot cat poo for a quick breakfast, lunch and dinner! Talk about girl power that can really make a difference.
  6. People wouldn’t be subjected to her presence at restaurants, because I don’t know of any upstanding places that would ever serve flaming cat poo.
  7. Guy Fieri would finally gain the courage to admit his love of frozen dog vomit. Wow! Inspirational!
  8. It wouldn’t even be literally false then when people say she’s full of shit. Just all facts. Just all poo.
  9. Give me 1989 reasons why she shouldn’t. Oh, you can’t? That’s what I thought.
  10. – 1988. I just really don’t like her.
  1. You are what you eat, and she already basically is flaming cat poo, so it’s really just basic math, okay?
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