Billie Eilish deters perverts by wearing a Mickey Rourke mask at all times

By Kai Hellberg

Sexualization of child stars has been a hot topic in 2018 music news. Drake has been criticized for grooming Millie Bobby Brown with how he talks to her, and 6ix9ine has somehow made his fans neglect his pedophilia charges. But some young faces in entertainment want to take a stand.

In an effort to prevent perverts from sexually harassing her, artist Billie Eilish is committed to wearing a Mickey Rourke mask everywhere she goes.

16-year-old Eilish spawned this idea when thinking of how to gross out her fans even more than she already has. But as time progressed, she realized she could also stop her pervert pursuers from acting on their immoral urges.

“I already released a video of myself with a live tarantula in my mouth so I knew I had to outdo myself with something epic,” she said. “But I never thought a Mickey Rourke mask would be such a strong deterrent that even my regular harassers would leave me alone. The only sacrifice is the fact that I have to wear a face that looks like Dwayne Johnson got mad a pile of beige Play-Doh.”

Eilish is blown away by how effective this venture has been, as is the Swallow Media Writing Staff. After posting three photos of herself in the mask on Instagram, she received 12,673 apology messages from users who previously sent her pedophilic messages.

In public, the results also show. Following her around in the city for a day, our writing staff noticed creepy-looking individuals immediately changed direction as they walked towards her, as did everyone else.

“I don’t need bodyguards to stop people from assaulting me anymore, which is super cool,” she said. “Now I basically have a 10-foot invincibility bubble around me all the time.”

We managed to track down one pedestrian who was deterred by the Mickey Rourke mask to interview them about what they just saw:

     “That’s Billie Eilish wearing a mask? Fuck man, I didn’t know what the hell that thing was. It looked like that Batman comic where the Joker cut his own face off.”

Mickey Rourke has commented on the situation, surprisingly calling it a huge achievement for his career.

“To many people, having a face so repulsive that people shit themselves on sight may seem tough,” Rourke said. “But seeing that this is stopping pedophiles and harassers dead in their tracks, I’m immensely proud to have a stake in this fight.”

One Comment Add yours

  1. Liz Jesse Amardo says:

    I love billie


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