By Yoshi Yui
Ja Rule just announced the sequal to Fyre Fest in the most Ja Rule way possible: via an email from a Nigerian Prince asking for a temporary deposit of US$100,000. Once that money is deposited, fans of the festival are said to recieve US$4 million and a ticket to the festival.
Ja Rule describes the festival as “a minimalist take on set-up, gear, hospitality, food, shelter, escape routes, and emergency planning,” and says the location is “very, very far away from running water and other people.”
As of yet, the tentative, rumored lineup for the festival includes Tekashi69, Eminem, DJ Khaled, and Calvin Harris, featuring rumored surprise guests the US Coast Guard, Elon Musk inventing something useless to try and help, and the Nigerian National Army.
Fans of the festival are excitedly depositing hundreds of thousands of dollars temporarily to redeem their tickets and US$4 million on an undisclosed date. Are you going to grab your ticket and your US$4 million, or are you going to miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity?
View Ja Rule and the Nigerian Prince’s email below:
I have been requested by the Nigerian National Music Festival Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Nigerian National Music Festial Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for Fyre Festival 2019 in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Nigerian National Music Festival Company is desirous of lit rappers and DJs exploration in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the Nigerian Government, it is unable to move these funds, to another region.
You assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen to assist Ja Rule, Prince Alyusi Islassis, The Nigerian National Music Festival Company, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your United States account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Nigerian National Music Festival Company and redeem your ticket for Fyre Festival 2019. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Nigerian National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount.
However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria.
If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful, and you will be handsomely rewarded with US$4 million and 1 ticket to Fyre Festival 2019. We suggest that you meet with us in person in Lagos, and that during your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Nigerian National Music Festival Company, as well as with certain officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria and Ja Rule himself.
Please call me at your earliest convenience at 1(800) FYR-FEST or email us at email@example.com. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it.
Prince Alyusi Islassis and Ja Rule