By Yoshi Yui

Oakland, CA—Beyonce was caught not smiling for a few seconds during the NBA finals this week. As we all know, Beyonce should be held to the same standard as any other woman: be smiling all the time. In these brief moments during the exciting, smile-inducing basketball game, however, we can see Beyonce clearly not smiling.

Not only does this reflect poorly on her character, but it also is a clear sign that Jay-Z is cheating again. Beyonce has no reason ever to not smile other than Jay-Z being unfaithful. Therefore, her not smiling is 100% undeniable evidence of infidelity. Uh oh! Looks like Jay-Z’s dinner will be cold tonight.

I’m a strong believer in the perpetual female smile. If women aren’t always smiling, how am I supposed to assume they might want to have sex with me? I mean, if Jay-Z is cheating (which he clearly is, seeing as she was not smiling), this could be my shot with Bey! But, alas, she was frowning for a few moments which completely turned me off to the idea. Her loss.

Smile, B, you look tired! Are you not wearing make-up?

Take a glance at this old photo of Beyonce smiling:

As you can clearly see, that is the happy face of a woman not being cheated on. Had Beyonce not been at the NBA finals, maybe we’d understand. But how can you not be CONSTANTLY SMILING when you have courtside seats to a basketball game? With TV commercial breaks that’s only roughly 2-3 hours of your time where you’re constantly on camera. You know how the saying goes: If you can’t smile for 2-3 hours straight, that means Jay-Z is cheating.