By Yoshi Yui
Atlanta, GA — With Halloween just behind us, we all have spookiness at the top of mind. This is definitely the case for Rapper-turned-witch-hunter T.I., who spilled all in a recent interview on the “Ladies Like Us” podcast. The award-winning hip-hop artist detailed his strenuous routine of identifying and vanquishing witches in order to banish them to the depths of hell from whence they came.
“First and foremost, I’m a father and a family man,” said T.I., “I care too much about those close to me to allow a succubus witch to infiltrate and corrupt my loved ones. The issue with succubi is that they can use dark magic to disguise themselves as anyone. A witch could be living in your house right now, and you wouldn’t know. This is why I routinely take my daughter to a specialist who can discern the subtle differences between a normal teenage girl and a succubus from hell. He helps us from the beginning of the fully comprehensive inspection process all the way through burning them at the stake. I don’t know how we’d survive without our witch doctor.”
T.I.’s wording suggested that he had in fact successfully burned witches in the past, and Ladies Like Us hosts Nazanin and Nadia couldn’t help but ask for more information.
“Yeah my firstborn turned out to be a witch,” explained T.I., “The evidence was irrefutable and the scientific process to determine her level of witchcraft was airtight, so I had my hands tied. While we were able to vanquish her, ridding the world of her vile magic, we were never able to find our real daughter again. I guess the witch killed her or something. I was just doing what any good father should, but it’s a shame. My firstborn was a pristine virgin.”