VENICE, CA.,– After noting the surprising amount of press singer Lana Del Rey’s long-winded Instagram posts received, the Academy of White Feminism decided to award the artist the White Feminism Medal of Honor.
Del Rey, the most recent recipient of the award, managed to beat out fellow artists Taylor Swift and The 1975 lead singer Matty Healy. “While [Swift and Healy] have done their absolute best to promote the absolute bare minimum on feminism, Del Rey’s Instagram posts have soared far beyond our wildest dreams,” Academy Chairwoman Nancy Pelosi said. In her Instagram post, Del Rey noted her struggles for acceptance with her music. She went on to say that, while Nicki Minaj and Beyonce struggled with death threats and racism, neither of them were ever criticized for writing a song about sleeping with Harvey Weinstein — a cardinal sin in the white feminism handbook.
“I mean, it was almost poetic,” white feminist champion Alyssa Milano added on. “The way she was able to take the struggles of women of color and make it all about herself…it’s the kind of thing that most of us only dream to accomplish.” Milano, noted Joe Biden apologist and four-time White Feminist Medal of Honor Winner claims that she sees the type of potential in Del Rey that came from the Michael Jordan of white feminism — Mrs. Hillary Clinton.
“I was really, truly surprised, shocked, and humbled to receive the award,” Del Rey said in a statement to Swallow Media. “Never in my life did I think my level of white feminism could lead to the staggeringly underwhelming platitudes that someone like Brie Larson or Matt McGorry are able to conjure. To everyone on the White Feminism committee — thank you for never relenting in your ability to make everything about yourself.”
The award will be presented formally at the end of the year at the 4th Annual SWERF and TERF Banquet, where white feminists from around the globe gather to celebrate their ability to hijack a movement. The award will be presented by author three-time Medal of Honor recipient J.K. Rowling.