Grimes Announces New Project (A Baby) Named |!¤*’~“~’*¤!|

LOS ANGELES, CA.,– What better way to announce the birth of your new project than with an Instagram post? This morning, Canadian singer/songwriter/ethereal being Grimes announced her newest creative endeavor — a baby! Set to be released sometime in October 2020, her debut child, simply named |!¤*’~“~’*¤!|, will likely be visually (and sonically) different from…

Chip Skylark Releases Eminem Diss Track

DIMMSDALE.,– Looks like Nick Cannon isn’t the only one taking shots at Em. Dimmsdale popstar Chip Skylark has joined in on the beef, going after Detroit rapper and famous old man Eminem. The My Shiny Teeth and Me singer, after hearing about the Cannon-Em feud, decided to throw his own hat into the mix in…

Baby Yoda Starts Receiving Texts from Drake

DAGOBAH SYSTEM., — Hollywood’s youngest starlet has a new fan: Canadian rapper Drake! Baby Yoda, the incredibly young, Force-sensitive being from the Star Wars universe, recently shared his sudden friendship with Drake in an exclusive interview with Swallow Media. “Texted me multiple times, he has,” said Baby Yoda, who still needs his diapers changed to…

We Asked Each Democratic Candidate What They Think of Frank Ocean

HOUSTON, TX.– For nearly 7 hours, Democratic presidential candidates spent their evenings discussing their stances on climate, foreign policy, and the future of the United States. While the crowd posed a variety of thought-provoking questions, no question invoked further discussion than the one raised by our Swallow Media columnist Jake Rivard. During each candidate’s row…

Forensic Evidence Reveals Anthony Fantano Gave David Koch’s Album 2/10

WITCHITA, KS.– During a postmortem exam of multi-billionaire David Koch, forensic pathologists discovered a direct correlation between Koch’s death and The Needle Drop founder Anthony Fantano’s recent review of his album If You’re Poor, Just Get A Job. The album, criticized for its inconsistency and inaccuracies, was given a “Light 2” by Fantano. In an interview…