MF DOOM Fan Sets Man on Fire for Not Spelling Rapper’s Name in All Caps

By Kai Hellberg SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA– 28-year-old Sal Jamison was set on fire by Brock Lee, an avid MF DOOM fan, after Jamison mistakenly wrote a Facebook comment mentioning the rapper in all lowercase letters. Taking place just last night, this is perhaps the first ever example of an actual “flame war.” The altercation was…

God Files Restraining Order Against Chance the Rapper

Citing an incessant urge to mention Him at every turn, God has filed a restraining order against Chicago rapper Chance the Rapper. With a record number of name drops of God on Chance’s new album, God has finally decided to take action.

Guy With Orange Beanie “Stoked” to Show You Band You Already Know

NEW YORK, NY. — With an American Spirit in one hand and an iPhone with a cracked screen in the other, local barista Tyler Johnson continues his five-minute lecture on artists you should listen to. You’ve reminded him multiple times that you know all of the artists, but your participation doesn’t seem to deter him….

Kanye West to Release Greatest Rants Compilation Album

LOS ANGELES — In today’s fast-paced world of streaming, cementing a legacy is harder than ever before. Artists must stand out from their contemporaries while also creating authentic, memorable work that lasts long after they’ve passed on. Chicago native Kanye West seems to have the formula down with his most recent announcement; a Greatest Rants…

Asahd Khaled Admits He Doesn’t Post to Instagram, “I’m a Baby”

Some claim that Asahd is living in his father, DJ Khaled’s shadow. DJ is a record producer and disk jockey who rose to stardom despite nobody ever truly enjoying anything he’s made. We at Swallow Media didn’t want to believe the rumors, so we brought in Asahd for an exclusive interview.