Forensic Evidence Reveals Anthony Fantano Gave David Koch’s Album 2/10

WITCHITA, KS.– During a postmortem exam of multi-billionaire David Koch, forensic pathologists discovered a direct correlation between Koch’s death and The Needle Drop founder Anthony Fantano’s recent review of his album If You’re Poor, Just Get A Job. The album, criticized for its inconsistency and inaccuracies, was given a “Light 2” by Fantano. In an interview…

BREAKING: Tinder Date Also Loves The Office

DETROIT, MI — As if the universe itself played a role in their meeting, local Tinder matches Peter Novak and Mary Anderson found out that they both share a lot of similar interests — including their love for the hit NBC series The Office. “It was crazy. Never in my life have I met someone…

MF DOOM Fan Sets Man on Fire for Not Spelling Rapper’s Name in All Caps

By Kai Hellberg SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA– 28-year-old Sal Jamison was set on fire by Brock Lee, an avid MF DOOM fan, after Jamison mistakenly wrote a Facebook comment mentioning the rapper in all lowercase letters. Taking place just last night, this is perhaps the first ever example of an actual “flame war.” The altercation was…

God Files Restraining Order Against Chance the Rapper

Citing an incessant urge to mention Him at every turn, God has filed a restraining order against Chicago rapper Chance the Rapper. With a record number of name drops of God on Chance’s new album, God has finally decided to take action.

Guy With Orange Beanie “Stoked” to Show You Band You Already Know

NEW YORK, NY. — With an American Spirit in one hand and an iPhone with a cracked screen in the other, local barista Tyler Johnson continues his five-minute lecture on artists you should listen to. You’ve reminded him multiple times that you know all of the artists, but your participation doesn’t seem to deter him….