SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA– 28-year-old Sal Jamison was set on fire by Brock Lee, an avid MF DOOM fan, after Jamison mistakenly wrote a Facebook comment mentioning the rapper in all lowercase letters. Taking place just last night, this is perhaps the first ever example of an actual “flame war.” The altercation was stoked when Jamison…
Amazon Forces Employees to Give Ed Sheeran’s Album Five Stars
A shocking look at the Amazon Warehouse in Seattle revealed, among a litany of horrific working conditions, a room where employees have been forced to listen to and positively review Ed Sheeran’s newest album.
God Files Restraining Order Against Chance the Rapper
Citing an incessant urge to mention Him at every turn, God has filed a restraining order against Chicago rapper Chance the Rapper. With a record number of name drops of God on Chance’s new album, God has finally decided to take action.
Guy With Orange Beanie “Stoked” to Show You Band You Already Know
NEW YORK, NY. — With an American Spirit in one hand and an iPhone with a cracked screen in the other, local barista Tyler Johnson continues his five-minute lecture on artists you should listen to. You’ve reminded him multiple times that you know all of the artists, but your participation doesn’t seem to deter him….
A$AP Rocky Takes Bold Stance Against Sexual Predators That Aren’t His Friends
By Jacob Babcock It’s been a tumultuous week for A$AP Rocky. The New York rapper is currently being held under investigation for assault in Sweden following an altercation between him and another group of men who had allegedly “followed us for 4 blocks, and slapp[ed] girls butts who passed” (A$AP Rocky on Instagram). So, given…
Kanye West to Release Greatest Rants Compilation Album
LOS ANGELES — In today’s fast-paced world of streaming, cementing a legacy is harder than ever before. Artists must stand out from their contemporaries while also creating authentic, memorable work that lasts long after they’ve passed on. Chicago native Kanye West seems to have the formula down with his most recent announcement; a Greatest Rants…
Asahd Khaled Admits He Doesn’t Post to Instagram, “I’m a Baby”
Some claim that Asahd is living in his father, DJ Khaled’s shadow. DJ is a record producer and disk jockey who rose to stardom despite nobody ever truly enjoying anything he’s made. We at Swallow Media didn’t want to believe the rumors, so we brought in Asahd for an exclusive interview.
Logan Paul To Direct XXXTentacion TV Pilot
A known activist for suicide victims since 2018 and doing the right thing in general, Paul is confirmed to be the director of the TV Pilot based on the life of the late XXXTentacion. Paul claims he is taking this role wholeheartedly, as he was one of the celebrities most effected by the rapper’s sudden death.
Tyler, the Creator confirms IGOR is a companion piece to the movie IGOR
By Yoshi Wall Los Angeles, CA – Although fans who have been anticipating the oft-delayed Steve Buscemi and Tyler the Creator collaborative album might have to wait a little longer, Tyler has revealed that we may have already received the next best thing. While many millenials and zoomers might only know film director/auteur Tony Leondis…
Facing Criticism, Taylor Swift Founds Ally Pride Parade to End Ally Bashing
By Jacob Rivard NASHVILLE, TN. — After receiving backlash for her most recent music video, Taylor Swift has taken it upon herself to put together her most noble cause yet: the first-ever Ally Parade in Nashville. Swift saw this as a chance to stand up for what she considers one of the most oppressed groups…
